I suddenly have a slight ache of the head.
June 12th, 2010
Listening to: Shalamar ; I Can Make You Feel Good
Feeling: Bored. Awake.
Consuming: Nothing.
Hoping for: Miracles.
…. random song that I’m loving right now :
New layout, as you can see. Used these older pictures I like of one of my longest running marriage partners, Justin Timberlake. Like? I’m trying to get back into this blogging thing. I’m actually trying to get back into a lot of the things I used to feel I couldn’t live without doing. Maybe it comes from feeling like you aren’t as good as you originally thought. Not that I ever thought I was graphic designer of the year, but you get me. I guess. It might be coming back to me; I woke up this morning with a spoken word poem nearly knocking on my brain, begging to get out. So there I was at 5:30 in the morning, jotting it down before I forgot on the back of a bank envelope. I don’t feel like it’s all gone… my creativity or what have you, maybe it was just pushed to the back burner for a while. I actually made something worth saving yesterday, the layout for my upcoming design site. Maybe I can make a little money off that; God knows I need it.
So something minor happened, that has the potential to become something great. My younger cousin ( he’s 12 ) has a summer job working with his barber of at least about 6, 7 years now. Cousin came over and spent the night so I could take him to work one morning. There, an opportunity presented itself. The barber’s name is Shannon, he’s a nice guy. He has a website, and this summer he’s doing interviews with other barbers and hairstylists around the region. My cousin had mentioned to me that he was looking for someone to help out, but not specifically how. I got the chance to meet Shannon, and he told me that he needs writers. Of course, being a writer, my interest was peaked. He told me that he’d need the interview materials put together by a writer, and that he pays them. He gave me his e-mail and said to send him a writing sample. I sent one yesterday, so maybe he’ll get back to me? I hope he does; I’d love to try this out. What I’ve learned from my pastor is that really small things such as those can lead to bigger and better things. I don’t know what will happen, but all I can do is go with it and hope for the best. Wish me luck.
Just last week, I was saying to myself that I need friends. My family, those are my friends, basically. When I have no one else, I have my blood. I don’t know, maybe that’s how it’s meant to be. I have one friend that’s very… on again, off again. Then I have a second one that usually contacts me only when something is needed, say, resuming my usual position as the third wheel. It gets irritating, but as an artist, being alone in something I’m fairly used to. Just sometimes… who doesn’t want to go out and have fun? My friends, my loves, they all live in other states. They keep me sane, keep me smiling. I love them, but I wish to God they were all closer. Speaking of… I’ll need them on the 25th. Can you believe it’s been almost a year since MJ passed? I can’t. It’s gonna be rough. And people are so fucking evil sometimes… ugh.
I need motivation. I need to get my life together. I realize that 22 isn’t exactly the age that you have to have everything all together… but then again, what age is? I don’t care who you are, what you do, what you have… nobody has shit all together. But sometimes, my family makes me feel so bad for not being out on my own right now, not working. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, but I want them to realize that this is a season in my life that I have to make it through. It won’t always be this way, change is inevitable. I guess… I’m just taking it one day at a time. Maybe a job will come through for me. My mom told me I need to settle, and go to school for something that I don’t want to do, for the sake of being in school. I don’t know, I feel like that’d be a big waste of my time. That’s what I’d been doing since 2005, and I never went all the way. I can’t do stuff that won’t make me happy. I do need to find something, though, to hold me steady until I can work up to what I want to spend my life doing. I know that… sometimes I think she believes that I don’t think about things like that, but I do. Bettering myself is constantly on my mind. What I need her to see is that life isn’t the same as it was when she was my age. It’s a little bit harder, the world’s a whole lot crazier… I realize it’s a battle, but I just don’t have that fight in me yet.
So something minor happened, that has the potential to become something great. My younger cousin ( he’s 12 ) has a summer job working with his barber of at least about 6, 7 years now. Cousin came over and spent the night so I could take him to work one morning. There, an opportunity presented itself. The barber’s name is Shannon, he’s a nice guy. He has a website, and this summer he’s doing interviews with other barbers and hairstylists around the region. My cousin had mentioned to me that he was looking for someone to help out, but not specifically how. I got the chance to meet Shannon, and he told me that he needs writers. Of course, being a writer, my interest was peaked. He told me that he’d need the interview materials put together by a writer, and that he pays them. He gave me his e-mail and said to send him a writing sample. I sent one yesterday, so maybe he’ll get back to me? I hope he does; I’d love to try this out. What I’ve learned from my pastor is that really small things such as those can lead to bigger and better things. I don’t know what will happen, but all I can do is go with it and hope for the best. Wish me luck.
Just last week, I was saying to myself that I need friends. My family, those are my friends, basically. When I have no one else, I have my blood. I don’t know, maybe that’s how it’s meant to be. I have one friend that’s very… on again, off again. Then I have a second one that usually contacts me only when something is needed, say, resuming my usual position as the third wheel. It gets irritating, but as an artist, being alone in something I’m fairly used to. Just sometimes… who doesn’t want to go out and have fun? My friends, my loves, they all live in other states. They keep me sane, keep me smiling. I love them, but I wish to God they were all closer. Speaking of… I’ll need them on the 25th. Can you believe it’s been almost a year since MJ passed? I can’t. It’s gonna be rough. And people are so fucking evil sometimes… ugh.
I need motivation. I need to get my life together. I realize that 22 isn’t exactly the age that you have to have everything all together… but then again, what age is? I don’t care who you are, what you do, what you have… nobody has shit all together. But sometimes, my family makes me feel so bad for not being out on my own right now, not working. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, but I want them to realize that this is a season in my life that I have to make it through. It won’t always be this way, change is inevitable. I guess… I’m just taking it one day at a time. Maybe a job will come through for me. My mom told me I need to settle, and go to school for something that I don’t want to do, for the sake of being in school. I don’t know, I feel like that’d be a big waste of my time. That’s what I’d been doing since 2005, and I never went all the way. I can’t do stuff that won’t make me happy. I do need to find something, though, to hold me steady until I can work up to what I want to spend my life doing. I know that… sometimes I think she believes that I don’t think about things like that, but I do. Bettering myself is constantly on my mind. What I need her to see is that life isn’t the same as it was when she was my age. It’s a little bit harder, the world’s a whole lot crazier… I realize it’s a battle, but I just don’t have that fight in me yet.
